Unbridled Creativity

I never thought there would be a such thing as too much creativity... maybe in thinking this I was referring to myself. Afterall, who wouldn't want to be MORE creative? But, when it comes to my son, he's tipped the scales to extreme.

I know...I should be GRATEFUL that God has blessed him with this gift- and I AM, but- I've run out of ideas to channel his creativity and it only leads to frustration and unimaginable cravings for wine!!! I think that rather than becoming a nurse I should have considered owning a "rent-all" store, living on a farm, or having an auto-repair shop. Any and all of these would be a perfect environment for my little creator. Instead, he's stuck with a nurse who, at best- is able to bring home plastic gowns, rubber-gloves and bedpans, and frankly I'm a little scared of what he would do with those!!!

Here's some recent examples of my litte engineer: On our recent snow day he HAD to have a snow plow. Of course we don't own one- why would we?? To use it every 3-4 years??? So, he sat his determined little rear-end at the dinner table and "drew his designs". At this point we're pushing 8pm and my attention is waning. I foolishly thought that it would lead to simply going outside with his shovel... Well, the shovel WAS part of the overall plan. Initially he started by using bungee cords to strap the shovel to the front of his bike and plowing that way, but it REALLY hindered his steering... so, back to the drawing board he went! (Oh, and if you have kept up with my recent blogs, you should know that I have stopped buying tape...I save that for bday & xmas gifts now) At this point I have thought (again-foolishly!) that no harm would be done. HAH! After what seemed like HOURS of blissful peace & quiet I became nervous... why hasn't he come back in? (the hours really equal about 20 minutes) I walked out to the garage with bated breath... what could he be doing??? Well, suffice it to say that he improved his design plan and came up with a much better option. He managed to wiggle out the push-mower from it's storage spot (miraculously not scratching any vehicles in the garage!) and with bungee cords and summer beach chairs he fashioned a push-plow. I still don't understand how he managed to "bungee" those chairs in the correct position to make this "plow" work, but he did and was busily plowing my driveway. While I am impressed that this plan actually worked, I fear that come summer-time, the push-mower will not... this is the price we pay.

This again, is a mere snap-shot of the creativity this child displays... (I can save the recent obsession with "barber shop" and finding several bald stuffed animals for another day!) The school and the doctors who have done testing on my child say that his IQ is "borderline"... maybe they should read this blog and see that some intelligence cannot possibly be measured. Only, what to do with it??? Every day feels like spring cleaning, where you empty a room of all it's stuff and get rid of things, then reorganize the rest...over, & over, & over.....

I confess that I dream of escaping... crave peace and simplicity. In this fantasy it's a room in a Japanese style... simple. No furniture, just a floor mat... no bungee cords, tape, or tools... maybe a plant or fountain...oops, no- potential for "creativity"... okay, no furniture... just 4 walls and a floor... hmmmmm- starting to look a little like a padded cell!!!

Not so funny...

Sometimes things around here are just plain TOUGH. That's why I haven't written in some time. If I am writing something and I am unable to find some positive and/or funny twist, it just begins to sound downright PATHETIC.

So, rather than risk sounding pathetic, I just leave it alone until I can find a way to see things in a better light. In the meantime, here's a preview by subject matter:

1) a yellow flashing caution light on top of the truck
2) cb radios
3) begging to spend the night in the parking lot of Royal Farms in the Prius (many tears were shed, and no- not even Jim agreed to THAT one!)
4) little metal "utility marker" flags all over my house and yard
5) "make your own snowplow" with shovels, plywood and a bicycle
6) 101 uses for a dog leash

When I look at the list I have to smile in disbelief... is this really my life, or the pages from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"??? Yes, it's all true... and in writing it down it IS becoming sort of funny... stay tuned!

A Dogs Life

I have a little beagle named Finny. Our Amish neighbors gave her to us for "free" about 7 years ago. She was free until the vet visit, then came the shots, de-worming, and chemical baths to rid her of mange, and VOILA! A million-dollar dog was born.

Having never had a dog before, we really got lucky with Finny. She is a wonderful family pet; gentle and affectionate. What I didn't know, is that beagles will eat anything that isn't nailed down and that their culinary delights aren't limited to dog food- nope! In fact, our neighbors cats tend to use our swing-set area as a litter box and the cat feces is apparently a delicacy to Finny, so that area has become "the buffet". So, as far as manners go, she is slightly disgusting, and because of her eating habits she is now a chubby middle-aged beagle.

Finny and I have a very special relationship. Not only am I her "alpha", but we are also the only females in the house. I fancy sometimes when I catch her eye that we are thinking EXACTLY the same things, and that we see the understanding and sympathy the other feels. For example: remember in a previous blog when I described how Jared wanted to take her for "police-dog" training? Well, probably about 2-3 times per week she is subjected to Jared's "training" techniques. So, dog-lovers among you are wondering: "why does she let him torture the dog?" Well, you are probably the same people wondering where I find my patience.... sometimes Finny just has to "take one for the team"! The important thing to remember here is that Jared DOES suffer from ADHD, so his attention span is not terribly long and therefore the torture sessions are brief.

His "training" techniques ARE interesting to watch. He once saw the people from animal control come to our house to pick up an apparently sick stray that decided to lay down on our porch and bark and growl at us any time we came near. The animal control person had one of those "hook" things (I don't know what they're called) that they use to loop around the dog's neck. Remembering that tool, he took the nebulizer tubing (hopefully no one has an asthma attack any time soon) and one of the vacuum cleaner attachments to develop his own loop system. Using this system he catches Finny and then tries to teach her to be his police dog. What that means to Jared I am not quite clear- but one of the main objectives seems to be teaching her to pull the 25 lb dolley around the driveway with harnesses that he has developed just for her. Important note: do NOT call the SPCA, for no animal is hurt or injured during these training sessions. I confess that I do sacrifice her to a certain extent, but I usually draw the line when she appears to have crossed over from police helper to prisoner. I know this line has been crossed when the play handcuffs have been used to shackle her little paws while pulling the dolley; turning her into some sort of canine chain-gang of one. Then I sacrifice myself, free Finny from bondage and offer her love and affection, and then allow her to escape to her hiding place behind the couch.

In the aftermath, I look into her little doggy eyes and thank her for her patience. She looks back at me in resigned acceptance. We understand each other. A parents love is like a dogs' love... pure and unconditional. We suffer torture, bad behavior, and other insults that you can't imagine until you see it... but at the end of the day the adoration and affection are never any less and you can only see what's beautiful and good; now, if only I could keep them out of the trash can...

Let Olive be Olive

I just watched "Little Miss Sunshine" last night for like, the 10th time. If you haven't seen it, it's centers around this 7 year old girl who LOVES beauty pageants and is entered in the "Little Miss Sunshine" pageant in California. The catch is that Olive is a very plain looking little girl who sticks out like a sore thumb amongst all the "jon-benets" in the pagaent. (There's much more to this movie- like a SUPER dysfunctional family... LOVE this movie!) Anyway... before the talent competition Olive's family wants her to drop out, knowing she doesn't stand a chance of winning and they don't want her hurt, but her mom wants to let Olive make the decision- knowing how hard her little girl wanted to compete, and despite the fact that Olive would lose. She says: "we have to let Olive be Olive". I love that line... a mom that lets her child be who she is...doesn't impose her own expectations on her child, and what's more is a BRAVE enough mom to let her child fail and be ready to comfort her. Wow.

I want to be like that mom. I frequently question myself: am I imposing unrealistic expectations on my child? Am I letting them discover who they are and embracing that? Even if it means that it DOESN'T meet my expectations? I thought that my boys would be a couple of jocks. Both my husband and I were growing up... (well, I WAS until I discovered I liked to party more than show up for practices- shame.) I just ASSUMED my kids would be as into sports and competition as I was.... hmmmm. Well, we all know about ass-u-ming... Jimmy will play baseball- ONLY. Jared- nada. Now, if mulch-spreading could be considered a sport we would have a junior-olympian... but alas, it's not yet recognized and I can't imagine that the T.V. ratings would ever support its growth. So, what do you do? The uber-parent in me is ashamed; I KNOW that I must find activities that will keep my children busy and out of trouble... afterall, we don't want them cooking meth by the time they're 14! (side-bar here: Jimmy informed me that in his middle school health class they are learning ALL ABOUT drugs, as a matter-of-fact, his teacher told them that cooking meth wasn't that hard- what the f*&%??? maybe I better find out what they are cooking in home-ec!) So, what is a parent to do? Jimmy ADORES video games; is there some redemptive value there? I don't really know, except that it all looks like a bunch of crap to me. Despite my feelings about video games, he is VERY clever and I do believe that it teaches a certain amount of hand-eye coordination and problem solving. Jared recently developed and interest in a couple of computer games, one is an 18 wheeler driving game, the other a bus driving game. In his case, I am DELIGHTED! So, why the double-standard? Well, Jared can barely read, and as I have indicated before, he can barely concentrate on something for more than 5 minutes; so this is a BIG DEAL. It IS teaching him problem solving and it DOES help him learn to read. (Jimmy already reads & problem solves... perhaps I owe a debt of gratitude to nintendo???) Both of the boys get outside and play with other kids- informal pick-up games, flashlight tag, capture the flag, etc... You know, the stuff we ALL did when we were kids and before all this organized stuff was crammed down our throats. So, at this point I have to say: so far, so good. They are both active and neither of them have an ounce of extra weight on them.

So, herein lies the question and hence, the struggle: as a parent do you listen to society and convention as to what is "best" for your children, or- are you brave enough to "let Olive be Olive"? As for me, I am striving for the latter- a work in progress...

Judgement Day

Have you ever been judged unfairly? A judgement passed on you without the benefit of explanation or background? It's human nature. People are judgemental. Without a conscious effort we tend to see things at face-value, assess the situation, then assign it to a compartment in our lives that makes sense. It takes time and effort to see depth, and let's face it- who has extra time on their hands? There is a reason that "first impressions" are so powerful.

If anyone has ever seen us in public dealing with a meltdown (and some of you have!) then you know why this matters. This is one of the aspects of the disorder that leads to social isolation. From time-to-time we have found ourselves out in public in situations that one would think would be enjoyable, only to have Jared suffer what appears to be an out-and-out panic attack and subsequent meltdown. I theorize that these meltdowns are triggered by some sort of sensory overload. I will digress a little bit and suggest that one day scientists will declare that ADHD falls under the autism spectrum and will find the missing link that is causing all this mess... hopefully in my lifetime. Anyway... here's an example:

A couple of summers ago we decided that we would do a spur-of-the moment getaway weekend and announced to the kids that we were going to D.C. to spend the weekend at six-flags. (okay, for the initiated among you that wasn't the greatest place to go!) So, the kids were excited and we packed up the car and off we went. I'll skip now to the meltdown. This was WAY too much for our little boy and he went OFF the deep end! The minute we walked into the park he was insistent that he have a t-shirt. The t-shirt seems to be the "security blanket" that helps him cope, and this is a scenario we have played out before. Okay, to those of you out there who want to judge- this is NOT an ordinary meltdown and temper-tantrum. This is an ALL OUT panic attack that manifests itself in tears and physical abuse. (no, not us abusing him) He cries and punches us and hangs on our arms until we go to find a t-shirt. Then, it can't be the first you see.. Oh, no! It has to be a certain type that only HE knows and is unable to describe to us. Again, you want to judge... just WALK OUT- right??? Well, keep in mind we have spent nearly 150.00 in admission fees, and pray-tell- what about my other child who wants NOTHING more than to ride the biggest roller-coaster, and at this particular moment would like nothing more to be claimed by ANY other family but his own right now??? Ah, so maybe now you're seeing a little deeper? Now, I have thought about this in my head over-and-over: if you were the all-knowing, all-seeing person who would have the nerve to approach us in this situation and offer some friendly advice (I know, I am a little paranoid) I have practiced a response to you in my head and it goes something like this: I THROW my arms around your neck, and with tears streaming down my face I THANK YOU profusely for FINALLY helping us cope with something that to this day we have yet to find a way to contain or prevent, and I ask you: "please, PLEASE kind & all-knowing one- would you consider MOVING IN with us and showing us the way?? Oh supernanny/911? Oh, Dr. Phil? Would you give us the answers that so far have eluded us, despite our search through several doctors, teachers, AI Dupont, Johns Hopkins? For, finally it is YOU that has shown us the error of our ways and will show us the promise land!" Oh, and p.s.- could ya hurry it up, already?? Okay, extreme- I know... but we all have our own coping mechanisms. Sometimes I think that my reaction is God's way of teaching ME not to judge or take things at face value... So, in the meantime I cope in my own way- with my silly little fantasies... and, of course, this blog! Thanks for indulging me...

Winter Break...ahhhhhh.

Ah, the joys of winter break. No packing lunches, homework, packing book bags and getting clothes ready for the a.m. On my days off, sleeping in until the light slowly creeps through the blinds and I get up and stretch and start my day at my leisure.... HAH!!!!

My morning started before the sun was up. I was awakened by what might have been misinterpreted as a 70 lb bag of bricks being dropped from my ceiling, but I know better. Jared doesn't ease into his day, he explodes into it! Mommy, mommy, mommy! What are we going to do today? Can you get up? Can you make me something to eat? I want to build something today mom! Can we go on the ferry? NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Please, please, I beg. Just let me sleep a little more- PLEEAASSSEE! So, he teases me as he snuggles down into my bed... seconds pass.... jig-jig, wiggle-wiggle, kick-kick. A few seconds more... "Okay, mom! Let's get up now!" I resign myself that there will be no more sleep today.

Unfortunately, today my throat is scratchy and I feel a little punky. I am desperately trying to figure out what I will do with my children. Jimmy will be okay; afterall, he wants nothing more then to decay up in his room as he plays xbox live with all his friends- his is a virtual social life but he loves it! He makes the occasional trip downstairs to eat, maybe play the wii fit, perhaps bathe... then back to his games. But Jared... another story. So, I come up with a plan: I call my brother who is gracious enough to come get Jared and take him to some scrap yards (or something) and will find Jared an old lawnmower that he can take apart in the garage. GREAT plan! I pat myself on the back and breathe a heavy sigh of relief... maybe I'll get a little rest. My brother shows up and they get ready to go on their adventure. Ahhhhhhh. 15 minutes pass, then- lo and behold: here they come again! Jared decided that a trip to Lowe's to buy yellow police caution tape is a MUCH better option and rushes home to get to work. WHAT????? Why are you back? My brother apologizes and goes on his merry way. Now my house is being wrapped in tape; I cannot go up the stairs, or travel from room to room without navigating the tape. My house looks like a crime scene... I consider laying down and tracing myself with chalk and calling it a day...But, as inviting as the prospect of laying down is, I pick myself up and begin to come up with some activities for the day. For the non-believers, I have included a photo of the crime scene outdoors. (I tore down the indoor tape) I LOVE my children with all my heart, but- I cannot WAIT until school starts again... and if it takes a "real parent" to admit their short-comings and admit that sometimes parenting is TOUGH, then, a la parent/pinocchio I cannot lie: I'm a REAL parent!!!!

Crappy parenting: a.k.a: has anyone seen my patience?

So, I did my afternoon shift. We went to Lowe's where it was a knock-down, drag-out battle over lumber. Yes. I said lumber. I needed to go there to find a wall-bracket for the flat panel TV that he got for Christmas (yeah, I know, he really doesn't watch TV- but I hope!!!) and in order to accomplish what I set out to do, there is always some give and take. I give him the opportunity to look around at all the gadgets and doo-dads, and I take away my sanity! (well, sometimes). So, he wanted to look at lumber. Okay... seems reasonable. Well, then it became a search for the perfect lumber to build a canoe- no, a motor-boat, no- a paddleboat. Okay- so in my world of bad parenting I figure I can relent and buy a few pieces of lumber to keep him occupied in the garage with the tool kit from santa, then maybe- just maybe, I can have the chance to relax for a little while. Now, keep in mind that I have the prius which is NOT designed for lumber hauling, yet he is INSISTENT that we buy these 9ft long 2x2's or 2x4's or whatever the heck they are. Now I am starting to feel it all slip away from me... I try reasoning with him: "how will we get these home", and "don't these smaller pieces seem better?" And finally, "how on EARTH do you expect to build a boat out of THAT?" As it turns out, there is an answer for all of these comments. (important point: learning disabled does NOT equate with stupidity!) As it turns out we get the lumber home by renting the truck that Lowe's has available, (duh!) the smaller pieces of wood won't enable him to build a boat to accomodate the entire family, (he is a considerate child) and as it turns out I am crushing his self-esteem by not believing that he can, INDEED build a boat out of that wood, 'cuz he knows how and I just don't believe it. (okay, crappy parent!) Well, all that aside I am happy to report that the reasonable parent won that battle and we left Lowe's not with lumber, but with several stick-on reflectors that subsequently wound up on my husband's tractor and in various other locale that I have yet to discover. A victory? Well, I don't know... parenting IS a relative and subjective skill. Oh, and p.s. I also made it in and out of Walmart with my groceries... and a set of play hand-cuffs... a pretzel from Auntie Anne's.... and finally: my sanity.