Winter Break...ahhhhhh.

Ah, the joys of winter break. No packing lunches, homework, packing book bags and getting clothes ready for the a.m. On my days off, sleeping in until the light slowly creeps through the blinds and I get up and stretch and start my day at my leisure.... HAH!!!!

My morning started before the sun was up. I was awakened by what might have been misinterpreted as a 70 lb bag of bricks being dropped from my ceiling, but I know better. Jared doesn't ease into his day, he explodes into it! Mommy, mommy, mommy! What are we going to do today? Can you get up? Can you make me something to eat? I want to build something today mom! Can we go on the ferry? NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Please, please, I beg. Just let me sleep a little more- PLEEAASSSEE! So, he teases me as he snuggles down into my bed... seconds pass.... jig-jig, wiggle-wiggle, kick-kick. A few seconds more... "Okay, mom! Let's get up now!" I resign myself that there will be no more sleep today.

Unfortunately, today my throat is scratchy and I feel a little punky. I am desperately trying to figure out what I will do with my children. Jimmy will be okay; afterall, he wants nothing more then to decay up in his room as he plays xbox live with all his friends- his is a virtual social life but he loves it! He makes the occasional trip downstairs to eat, maybe play the wii fit, perhaps bathe... then back to his games. But Jared... another story. So, I come up with a plan: I call my brother who is gracious enough to come get Jared and take him to some scrap yards (or something) and will find Jared an old lawnmower that he can take apart in the garage. GREAT plan! I pat myself on the back and breathe a heavy sigh of relief... maybe I'll get a little rest. My brother shows up and they get ready to go on their adventure. Ahhhhhhh. 15 minutes pass, then- lo and behold: here they come again! Jared decided that a trip to Lowe's to buy yellow police caution tape is a MUCH better option and rushes home to get to work. WHAT????? Why are you back? My brother apologizes and goes on his merry way. Now my house is being wrapped in tape; I cannot go up the stairs, or travel from room to room without navigating the tape. My house looks like a crime scene... I consider laying down and tracing myself with chalk and calling it a day...But, as inviting as the prospect of laying down is, I pick myself up and begin to come up with some activities for the day. For the non-believers, I have included a photo of the crime scene outdoors. (I tore down the indoor tape) I LOVE my children with all my heart, but- I cannot WAIT until school starts again... and if it takes a "real parent" to admit their short-comings and admit that sometimes parenting is TOUGH, then, a la parent/pinocchio I cannot lie: I'm a REAL parent!!!!

Crappy parenting: a.k.a: has anyone seen my patience?

So, I did my afternoon shift. We went to Lowe's where it was a knock-down, drag-out battle over lumber. Yes. I said lumber. I needed to go there to find a wall-bracket for the flat panel TV that he got for Christmas (yeah, I know, he really doesn't watch TV- but I hope!!!) and in order to accomplish what I set out to do, there is always some give and take. I give him the opportunity to look around at all the gadgets and doo-dads, and I take away my sanity! (well, sometimes). So, he wanted to look at lumber. Okay... seems reasonable. Well, then it became a search for the perfect lumber to build a canoe- no, a motor-boat, no- a paddleboat. Okay- so in my world of bad parenting I figure I can relent and buy a few pieces of lumber to keep him occupied in the garage with the tool kit from santa, then maybe- just maybe, I can have the chance to relax for a little while. Now, keep in mind that I have the prius which is NOT designed for lumber hauling, yet he is INSISTENT that we buy these 9ft long 2x2's or 2x4's or whatever the heck they are. Now I am starting to feel it all slip away from me... I try reasoning with him: "how will we get these home", and "don't these smaller pieces seem better?" And finally, "how on EARTH do you expect to build a boat out of THAT?" As it turns out, there is an answer for all of these comments. (important point: learning disabled does NOT equate with stupidity!) As it turns out we get the lumber home by renting the truck that Lowe's has available, (duh!) the smaller pieces of wood won't enable him to build a boat to accomodate the entire family, (he is a considerate child) and as it turns out I am crushing his self-esteem by not believing that he can, INDEED build a boat out of that wood, 'cuz he knows how and I just don't believe it. (okay, crappy parent!) Well, all that aside I am happy to report that the reasonable parent won that battle and we left Lowe's not with lumber, but with several stick-on reflectors that subsequently wound up on my husband's tractor and in various other locale that I have yet to discover. A victory? Well, I don't know... parenting IS a relative and subjective skill. Oh, and p.s. I also made it in and out of Walmart with my groceries... and a set of play hand-cuffs... a pretzel from Auntie Anne's.... and finally: my sanity.

Another Day in Paradise...

Having a child with a big ole' whopping case of ADHD is challenging; at the end of the good days you're merely exhausted, the end of bad days you're entertaining escape fantasies and wondering whatever prompted you to reproduce... then of course, the GUILT. It has isolated us. The diagnosis of ADHD is tricky- let's face it: we live in a cynical society when it comes to the alphabet of behavioral diagnoses out there, and in some cases rightfully so! I was one of those cynics before it came to my life. I was typical, it HAD to be bad parenting; "that kid just needs some structure and discipline", or: "my child would NEVER get away with that- he needs a good spanking". This shame and guilt leads to increasing social isolation; I know that most people simply have NO CLUE what we are going through. Along with his ADHD, my child has non-specific learning disabilities which add another layer to the challenge.



On a typical weekend when most families look forward to relaxing, we are planning our angle of attack. You see, we cannot merely "hang out", read, relax, or otherwise remain idle. We have to plan a day of perpetual motion or we will not survive. Take a moment and imagine: you are home on a day off from work, it is house cleaning day. Okay, that's normal- after all, this needs to be done. But now imagine you're in some sort of "Twilight Zone", "Dr. Suess" world where everytime you clean something there is a force right behind you tearing it apart again. So, cleaning is a circular activity: round and round you go with no end in sight. But, we accept that, he simply can't help it! He is neither a TV/video game, nor a toy type of child- never was! He is an outdoor, busy, creative, take-things-apart & build things kinda kid. Don't get me wrong- these are the wonderful qualities he possesses, but also the most difficult to keep up with! He doesn't play group sports, he never liked them and when he attempted different activities they produced so much anxiety in him that he was miserable. So, we try to accomodate his particular talents and facilitate when possible. This requires INFINITE patience and innovation that on some days we simply do not have. Here are a few examples: One morning shortly before Christmas we were on one of our circular cleaning days. He needed to keep himself occupied, so in the space of ONE hour he built a dog house out of a cardboard box and decorated it with christmas lights, made homemade "latte" in the blender with the last of my coffee and milk in the blender and set up a coffee kiosk in the kitchen, developed and executed a laundry "dumbwaiter" in my two-story foyer with ropes and pulleys and a laundry basket, and then finished "decorating" my house with all of my wrapping paper and tape. (Have I mentioned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep a roll of tape in my house????) Remember the description of "circular cleaning"??? These are the things that you begin to accept and learn to deal with. These are his God-given talents, his gifts. They may not be the conventional gifts that most parents dream of, and they may be the gifts that exhaust us, but they ARE gifts nevertheless.

So, here we are today... it's 9:30 and my husband has taken my son to check out the ferry boats and see if he can get a glimpse of the dock workers. This is how we give each other respite. The afternoon will be my turn- I will turn grocery shopping into a treasure hunt and promise some small token- perhaps a roll of tape??? This was the better option, as my son was planning on renting a backhoe and digging a pond in our backyard... oh- and buying some wood and paint and building a canoe, and if he could, he wanted to take our old, fat beagle to the policy academy to get her some "police training"... Oh, and did I mention we have another son who is 2 years older than his active little brother? Poor kid is along for the ride- remember the guilt issue? Atleast HE is sleeping in today... oh well, another day in paradise!