Another Day in Paradise...

Having a child with a big ole' whopping case of ADHD is challenging; at the end of the good days you're merely exhausted, the end of bad days you're entertaining escape fantasies and wondering whatever prompted you to reproduce... then of course, the GUILT. It has isolated us. The diagnosis of ADHD is tricky- let's face it: we live in a cynical society when it comes to the alphabet of behavioral diagnoses out there, and in some cases rightfully so! I was one of those cynics before it came to my life. I was typical, it HAD to be bad parenting; "that kid just needs some structure and discipline", or: "my child would NEVER get away with that- he needs a good spanking". This shame and guilt leads to increasing social isolation; I know that most people simply have NO CLUE what we are going through. Along with his ADHD, my child has non-specific learning disabilities which add another layer to the challenge.



On a typical weekend when most families look forward to relaxing, we are planning our angle of attack. You see, we cannot merely "hang out", read, relax, or otherwise remain idle. We have to plan a day of perpetual motion or we will not survive. Take a moment and imagine: you are home on a day off from work, it is house cleaning day. Okay, that's normal- after all, this needs to be done. But now imagine you're in some sort of "Twilight Zone", "Dr. Suess" world where everytime you clean something there is a force right behind you tearing it apart again. So, cleaning is a circular activity: round and round you go with no end in sight. But, we accept that, he simply can't help it! He is neither a TV/video game, nor a toy type of child- never was! He is an outdoor, busy, creative, take-things-apart & build things kinda kid. Don't get me wrong- these are the wonderful qualities he possesses, but also the most difficult to keep up with! He doesn't play group sports, he never liked them and when he attempted different activities they produced so much anxiety in him that he was miserable. So, we try to accomodate his particular talents and facilitate when possible. This requires INFINITE patience and innovation that on some days we simply do not have. Here are a few examples: One morning shortly before Christmas we were on one of our circular cleaning days. He needed to keep himself occupied, so in the space of ONE hour he built a dog house out of a cardboard box and decorated it with christmas lights, made homemade "latte" in the blender with the last of my coffee and milk in the blender and set up a coffee kiosk in the kitchen, developed and executed a laundry "dumbwaiter" in my two-story foyer with ropes and pulleys and a laundry basket, and then finished "decorating" my house with all of my wrapping paper and tape. (Have I mentioned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep a roll of tape in my house????) Remember the description of "circular cleaning"??? These are the things that you begin to accept and learn to deal with. These are his God-given talents, his gifts. They may not be the conventional gifts that most parents dream of, and they may be the gifts that exhaust us, but they ARE gifts nevertheless.

So, here we are today... it's 9:30 and my husband has taken my son to check out the ferry boats and see if he can get a glimpse of the dock workers. This is how we give each other respite. The afternoon will be my turn- I will turn grocery shopping into a treasure hunt and promise some small token- perhaps a roll of tape??? This was the better option, as my son was planning on renting a backhoe and digging a pond in our backyard... oh- and buying some wood and paint and building a canoe, and if he could, he wanted to take our old, fat beagle to the policy academy to get her some "police training"... Oh, and did I mention we have another son who is 2 years older than his active little brother? Poor kid is along for the ride- remember the guilt issue? Atleast HE is sleeping in today... oh well, another day in paradise!