Let Olive be Olive

I just watched "Little Miss Sunshine" last night for like, the 10th time. If you haven't seen it, it's centers around this 7 year old girl who LOVES beauty pageants and is entered in the "Little Miss Sunshine" pageant in California. The catch is that Olive is a very plain looking little girl who sticks out like a sore thumb amongst all the "jon-benets" in the pagaent. (There's much more to this movie- like a SUPER dysfunctional family... LOVE this movie!) Anyway... before the talent competition Olive's family wants her to drop out, knowing she doesn't stand a chance of winning and they don't want her hurt, but her mom wants to let Olive make the decision- knowing how hard her little girl wanted to compete, and despite the fact that Olive would lose. She says: "we have to let Olive be Olive". I love that line... a mom that lets her child be who she is...doesn't impose her own expectations on her child, and what's more is a BRAVE enough mom to let her child fail and be ready to comfort her. Wow.

I want to be like that mom. I frequently question myself: am I imposing unrealistic expectations on my child? Am I letting them discover who they are and embracing that? Even if it means that it DOESN'T meet my expectations? I thought that my boys would be a couple of jocks. Both my husband and I were growing up... (well, I WAS until I discovered I liked to party more than show up for practices- shame.) I just ASSUMED my kids would be as into sports and competition as I was.... hmmmm. Well, we all know about ass-u-ming... Jimmy will play baseball- ONLY. Jared- nada. Now, if mulch-spreading could be considered a sport we would have a junior-olympian... but alas, it's not yet recognized and I can't imagine that the T.V. ratings would ever support its growth. So, what do you do? The uber-parent in me is ashamed; I KNOW that I must find activities that will keep my children busy and out of trouble... afterall, we don't want them cooking meth by the time they're 14! (side-bar here: Jimmy informed me that in his middle school health class they are learning ALL ABOUT drugs, as a matter-of-fact, his teacher told them that cooking meth wasn't that hard- what the f*&%??? maybe I better find out what they are cooking in home-ec!) So, what is a parent to do? Jimmy ADORES video games; is there some redemptive value there? I don't really know, except that it all looks like a bunch of crap to me. Despite my feelings about video games, he is VERY clever and I do believe that it teaches a certain amount of hand-eye coordination and problem solving. Jared recently developed and interest in a couple of computer games, one is an 18 wheeler driving game, the other a bus driving game. In his case, I am DELIGHTED! So, why the double-standard? Well, Jared can barely read, and as I have indicated before, he can barely concentrate on something for more than 5 minutes; so this is a BIG DEAL. It IS teaching him problem solving and it DOES help him learn to read. (Jimmy already reads & problem solves... perhaps I owe a debt of gratitude to nintendo???) Both of the boys get outside and play with other kids- informal pick-up games, flashlight tag, capture the flag, etc... You know, the stuff we ALL did when we were kids and before all this organized stuff was crammed down our throats. So, at this point I have to say: so far, so good. They are both active and neither of them have an ounce of extra weight on them.

So, herein lies the question and hence, the struggle: as a parent do you listen to society and convention as to what is "best" for your children, or- are you brave enough to "let Olive be Olive"? As for me, I am striving for the latter- a work in progress...